HUMOR AND SATIRE | WHAT REALLY HAPPENED

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Jun 13 07:17

Ruh roh (Picture)

Jun 07 09:31

The Horror of Teaching Critical Race Theory to Kids

Jun 04 07:33

Happy pride month (Video)

Jun 01 08:38

Damn you Karen (Picture)

May 31 06:34

Absolute power corrupts absolutely

May 27 06:46

Maskaholics Anonymous

May 07 15:52

White Liberals Watch In Amazement As Black Man Acquires ID

White liberals gathered in the town of Hampton Falls were shocked and astonished as local black man, accountant, and father of three Michael Sparkton walked right into a DOT office and acquired an ID without any assitance from liberals whatsoever.

“It was amazing — he was smart, clean, and articulate enough to walk right in and acquire the ID without consulting us white people at all,” said anti-racist activist Chloe Ryder to reporters. “He walked right in and got the ID, no questions asked. We thought it would be way above his intelligence level because, well. You know what I’m saying, right? Yeah. You know.”

Reporters said they did not know, and Ryder was forced to whisper, “because he’s black and I don’t think he’s capable of doing it!”

At publishing time, the liberals were amazed to see he had walked up to a vending machine and purchased a bottle of water all by himself.

May 07 09:26

The Manager (Picture)

May 04 11:04

CARTOON AMUSEMENT

May 02 14:40

The Sunday Memes v2 (You Laugh You Lose)

First one was well received, so let’s light this fuse. You laugh, you lose. Your punishment : You must like or share to a friend. Stupid simple and… GO!

May 01 18:44

CDC Now Recommends Wearing A Seat Belt Even When You’re Outside The Car

The CDC has issued brand new recommendations regarding the wearing of seat belts. Health experts there are now recommending people wear a seat belt, even when outside the car.

"This guidance is especially important if you're in a large group of people at the park or an outdoor event," said Dr. Stiku Pumybum. "Risk of collisions leading to bone breaks or concussions dramatically increase in large groups of people. Billions could die!"

When pressed regarding what gives the CDC authority to comment on seat belt usage, they clarified that these were simply recommendations based on the latest scientific research, for the sake of public health. When further asked how exactly a seat belt that's not anchored to anything can protect anyone, they replied with a statement saying "SHUT UP IT'S SCIENCE!"

Apr 27 11:41

10 Covid-Skeptic Memes to Get You Through the Day

What’s occurring in the world nowadays is no joke. But if you’re living under oppression for over a year, it’s probably healthy to have a laugh once in a while.

And so, on this late-April Monday morning, here are 10 memes to give you a quick chuckle in these maddening times:

Apr 26 09:46

We're Going to Need Another 'Unite Against White Nationalism' March And We're Going to Need It NOW!

White supremacy is out of control in this country!

Apr 23 05:29

In Defense Of Teenage Knife Fighting

Just when I thought that America couldn’t possibly get any softer, people start suggesting that there’s a role for the police in preventing knife murders. The snowflake generation strikes once again.

Is there any tradition that the radicals won’t ruin?

As the brilliant Bree Newsome pointed out on Twitter, “Teenagers have been having fights including fights involving knives for eons.” And now people are calling the cops on them? I ask: Is this a self-governing country or not? When Newsome says “we do not need police to address these situations by showing up to the scene & using a weapon,” she may be expressing a view that is unfashionable these days. But she’s right.

Apr 21 12:14

Men Demand Reparations From Women Due To Eve Eating The Apple

The men of the world are demanding reparations from the women of the world after realizing all their problems stem from Eve taking a bite of the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil over 5,999 years ago.

"Eve, the ancestor of all women, ruined everything for us," said Carl McGuinness of Provo, Utah, at a press conference Friday. "We demand payment for the sin and death that rained down upon the human race after the first woman went ahead and took a bite of the forbidden fruit."

"This is merely leveling the playing field from all the inequity that women have caused through their ancestor less than 6,001 years ago."

After calculating the damages stemming from Eve's bite out of the fruit, men have determined they are owed some $593,000,000,000,000,000. As they realize this will take some time to pay back, they have stated they are graciously willing to take payment in the form of sandwiches for the time being.

Apr 19 15:31

B*LLSHITTING THE REALITY : Biden administration bans use of term ‘illegal alien’

Instead of “illegal aliens,” which was still being used by some government officials in press releases and elsewhere, the employees of CBP and ICE should instead use “undocumented noncitizen” or “undocumented individual,” according to the memos. -- You want to know what I think is happening? Let's just spend a few minutes with our friend Mr. George Carlin:

Apr 18 19:14

In Braveheart Re-Release William Wallace Just Tells The Scottish To Stay Home, Stay Safe

Mel Gibson's classic film Braveheart has been deemed problematic since William Wallace encourages the Scottish to fight for their freedoms. So, Paramount Pictures announced the new Braveheart: At Home Edition, where the offending scenes have been edited to show the brave freedom fighter encouraging everyone to just "stay home" and "save lives."

Apr 18 12:57

The Sunday Memes (You Laugh You Lose)

I am going to try and make this a weekly edition to the site, because after ANOTHER week in this world, we could all use a good laugh.

Apr 16 19:21

'It Is Still Not Safe To Go Outside,' Says Fauci's Head In A Jar In Year 2739

An intercepted transmission that appears to be from the year 2739 shows footage of Dr. Anthony Fauci -- or rather, just his head, which has been preserved in a jar. In the video from the future, Fauci says it's still not safe to go outside, go to movie theaters, or eat indoors.

"Honestly, even if you've been immunized and are quadruple-masking, per current recommendations, I don't think I would risk it," he said. "Although we eradicated the virus some seven centuries ago, we can't be too careful. We must remain vigilant."

"If we let up even a little bit, we could end up right back where we were in 2020."

Apr 16 07:51

This hurts (Video)

Apr 16 06:49

Chris Rock - How not to get your ass kicked by the police!

Apr 15 10:16

Sorry (Picture)

Apr 14 23:10

Diversity Training Done Right!

This slide purportedly from a workplace diversity training course is going viral on Twitter...

Apr 12 10:35

Flip Flopping Predictions

Apr 12 04:41

I DID A THING

Apr 11 11:13

Justice is served (Picture)

Apr 10 11:47

Unclear How Bad Mass Shooting Is Until Authorities Release Details Of Everyone's Skin Color

According to media reports, there has been a mass shooting. As of now, it is unclear how bad the mass shooting is, or whether anyone should care about it-- since authorities have not yet released the skin colors of the perpetrator and the victims.

"It's possible this could be a horrific mass shooting we will talk about for years to come," said one news anchor. "On the other hand, it may just be a run-of-the-mill mass shooting that we'll forget by tomorrow since it doesn't fit the narrative we are trying to sell right now. For the time being, please be sure to assume this shooting confirms all your most horrific biases about the state of our country. Stay tuned for more details-- unless we decide you don't really need to hear more details."

Apr 09 23:15

Horse Racing - The Durex Handicap

It's the Grand National horse race today in the UK so I thought I'd post this politically incorrect stroke of genius by Derek & Clive (aka Peter Cook & Dudley Moore)

Enjoy :)

Apr 09 15:36

Biden on the Second Amendment: ‘No amendment is absolute’

Well, since all amendments are no longer absolute... let's just ignore the 16th amendment and stop paying federal taxes!

Apr 02 08:57

Good job Biden (Video)

Apr 01 02:02

RAT DELAYS COVID 19 VACCINE

I’ll Get My Covid 19 Vaccine Just As Soon As They Complete Human Testing

Mar 28 10:50

RIP in Pieces (Video)

Mar 25 11:32

Mautice (Picture)

Mar 22 12:12

Instead Of Traditional Warfare, Chinese Military Will Now Be Trained To Shout Wrong Pronouns At American Troops

BEIJING—The Chinese military has announced that they will no longer be investing in weapons, tanks, aircraft, or traditional warfare training techniques. Instead, the People's Liberation Army will simply be trained to shout the wrong pronouns at U.S. soldiers, who will collapse and shake uncontrollably at the advanced maneuver.

"Brave soldiers of the People's Liberation Army, prepare to launch a pronoun assault!" cried one platoon leader in a training exercise. "Go!"

The Chinese soldiers then began shouting "He/Him!" and "She/Her!" at American soldiers, whom Biden had loaned to the Chinese government for the practice session. They immediately collapsed to the floor. "No!!! I'm a xe/xer; it says so right on my dog tags!" cried one weeping American soldier huddled in the corner in the fetal position, rocking back and forth. "You can't call me the wrong pronoun -- it's literally violence! It's against the Geneva Convention!"

Mar 21 19:52

Putin Challenges Biden To Stair-Climbing Contest

Vladimir Putin has challenged Joe Biden to a contest of wits, strength, and cunning: a stair-ascending contest. The winner of the contest will gain control of the other country.

Mar 21 05:58

Biden Memes Are Going Off…

Mar 20 07:28

'It wasn't the wind, folks': Donald Trump Jr posts hilarious mock video showing his father knocking down Joe Biden with golf balls as president's tumble becomes internet meme

Mar 16 08:39

Those feels (Picture)

Mar 12 12:26

Vatican low on reserves to cover deficit, seeking donations

The Vatican warned Friday that it has nearly depleted its financial reserves from past donations to cover budget deficits over recent years, as it urged continued giving from the faithful to keep the Holy See afloat and Pope Francis’ ministry going.

Mar 12 10:25

Watch the Last Four Federal Reserve Chairs Sing their Loyalty to Wall Street

Mar 05 05:05

Did You Survive The Deadly QAnon Militia Capitol Attack of March 4th???

Hello?

Is anybody out there???

I somehow managed to survive the deadly QAnon attack on the Capitol -- hitherto forever immortalized as "March 4th" -- and I'm looking for fellow survivors to contact me so we can rebuild!

Mar 01 12:27

Monty Python PERFECTLY PREDICTED Equality Act

Judith: Here! I’ve got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can’t actually
have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody’s fault, not even the
Romans’, but that he can have the *right* to have babies.
Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to
have babies, brother. Sister, sorry.
Reg: (pissed) What’s the *point*?
Francis: What?
Reg: What’s the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he
can’t have babies?
Francis: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
Reg: It’s symbolic of his struggle against reality.

Feb 24 19:11

Hasbro Releases Exciting New 'Fauci Says' Game

Hasbro has released an exciting new game called "Fauci Says," where you have to try to keep up with an electronic voice telling you to do a variety of tasks.

"Whether Fauci tells you to double-mask, close down schools, lock down forever, or jump off a bridge, you'll have to comply -- or you lose the game!" says the narrator over Hasbro's debut commercial for the game. "What wacky thing will Fauci have you do next? No one knows!"

The commercial then shows a happy family competing in the game. They're all having fun, trying to mask, unmask, social-distance, then not social-distance, and perform a variety of contradictory instructions, until one of them fails to put on a seventh mask in time and is cast out of the family for being anti-science, per the game's instruction manual. "You just got Faucied!" the rest of the family says in glee as the young daughter packs her bags.

"Sorry -- that's just FAUCI SAYS!"

Feb 24 15:54

Beyond Parody: The World Of Mike Judge’s Idiocracy Is Better Than Joe Biden’s America

Idiocracy is hilarious. But Judge and Cohen are off the mark. America isn’t becoming Idiocracy. It’s becoming something worse. Fifteen years after the film’s release, the future portrayed in Idiocracy is indisputably superior to the present liberals are creating right now in America. -- Insane? Not remotely. And we’re here to tell you how.

Feb 23 15:56

I Wish This Was Fake : Headlines We Just Might Live to See!

I never thought I would see the Southern Baptist Convention begin dropping the “Southern” part of its name. “We Are Great Commission Baptists,” says the official SBC website. -- I also never thought that I would see the Washington Redskins change its name to the Washington Football Team. I remember the Redskins blocking a kick in the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl in 1973 and scoring their only touchdown of the game before losing to the Miami Dolphins. -- Here are some headlines that we might, in most cases unfortunately, just live to see...

Feb 23 10:40

Supercuts (Picture)

Feb 19 08:52

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A CONSPIRACY!

Yes Martha, there is no such thing as a conspiracy. No amount of coincidences, declarations, or facts will make a conspiracy a reality. It is true that conservatives are guilty of conspiracies, but that’s all. The wealthy elite, and the politicians are altruistic, transparent, honorable, forthcoming, righteous, just, true and legitimate people who would never get together to make any plans that would be secret and possibly violate the law and they would never take a bribe to accomplish someone else’s objectives (Republicans, conservatives, Christians and oil companies excepted) Democrats are pure as the driven snow and always tell the truth, and they never do any back room dealing, nor do they ever take a bribe or betray America and Americans.

Feb 19 07:07

'The Perseverance rover sent back a message saying it was only accompanying its daughters to Mars': Senator Cruz's Cancun trip gets the meme treatment!

Texas Senator Ted Cruz sparked a flurry of memes on Thursday after being caught flying to Cancun for a Mexican vacation as his state is suffering through one of the worst winter storms and power outages in years.

The storm has caused a major energy crisis, after as many as 4.4million Texans were left without power thanks to a bungled response from its energy distributor. As of Thursday afternoon, 500,000 are still without power as stores run out of food.

Yet Cruz was pictured with a suitcase and massive overnight bag at the United Airlines lounge, at the gate, and on the plane before his 4pm take-off on Wednesday, even as at least 21 deaths were reported and an emergency declared.

Feb 14 22:41

VIDEO: ‘Emotional’ Nancy Pelosi Storms Around Capitol, Slams Podium After Trump’s Second Acquittal

Immediately following President Donald Trump’s second Senate impeachment acquittal, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) made a surprise visit to the House impeachment managers, and revealed her rage at the decision to the media.

Feb 14 05:08

Democrats Run Scared, Decide NOT To Allow Witnesses After Trump Team Announces They Will Call Nancy Pelosi

CNN reports that former President Trump's legal team is prepared to call OVER 300 witnesses.

Feb 13 01:05

Michigan ammo company announces 'No Tolerance' policy for Biden voters

Michigan ammunition manufacturing company Fenix Ammunition announced a no tolerance policy relating to sales to Joe Biden voters on Thursday, sending left-wingers up in arms over the consequences of their own actions.

Feb 11 22:05

Loudmouth Daughter of Infamous War-Monger Compares Capitol Riots to 9-11 Terror Attacks that Killed 3,000 Americans

"This is they type of garbage the left is pumping out these days. Meghan McCain is dumb enough to join in the awfulness.

Feb 11 13:33

Jeep pulls Bruce Springsteen commercial after report of DWI arrest

The 71-year-old rock legend was arrested for drunken driving in November.

Feb 07 19:39

Bezos To Spend Newfound Free Time Bulldozing Small Businesses In Person

With Jeff Bezos no longer running Amazon, sources are reporting that he's looking forward to spending some of his free time destroying small businesses like he always did. This time will be different, however, since he'll be bulldozing them in person.

"This has always been my passion," said Bezos with a jolly smile, "but I've never really been able to get my hands in the dirt, feel the air on my face, and hear the lamentations of the peasants while I'm doing it! I feel truly blessed."

Bezos then pushed a massive lever on his new bulldozer and plowed through a little building called Anna's Coffee & Book Shop.

"WOW! Invigorating!" said Bezos as he watched the glass, rubble, and dirt shower down around him.

Feb 05 07:40

A Man Who Bought Over 1.2 Million Lemons Without A Plan For What To Do With Them Is Turning To The Internet For Advice

Now, I can’t tell you anything about what state of mind the person I’m about to talk about was in when they decided to make one of the most inexplicable purchases I’ve ever encountered. However, part of me hopes the Reddit user who recently posted about the absurd conundrum they’ve found themselves in was slightly tipsy at the time of the acquisition, because I don’t know how a sober person could possibly place an order for 1.2 million lemons without coming up with a plan for what to do with them first.

Earlier this week, someone turned to a community of small business owners on the website in the hopes they could shed some light on what to do with the massive order of Persian lemons (which are technically classified as limes) that made their way to a warehouse in Miami after being imported from Honduras

Feb 04 06:08

This Proves the NYPD Really Does Love Donuts

Like the stock market or COVID, you likely heard there’s a lot of snow on the East coast right now. You’ve probably also heard the old stereotype that cops love donuts. I’ve never really understood where that comes from. Also, who doesn’t love donuts? Either way, that’s beside the point. Amidst the snowstorm in NYC, an NYPD officer got caught enjoying a few snow-nuts in a Ford Explorer Interceptor whilst on the clock. Tsk tsk tsk.

Do cops really like donuts?
I won’t speak for all cops, but the NYPD clearly does. The police are hard at work as the city shuts itself in for the night after a gleeful snow day. What would anyone do with a cop car you didn’t pay for, a snowy parking lot, and the right to act a fool with impunity? Snow-nuts!

Feb 01 07:42

The Great Reset of Dr. StrangeKlaus - Satire

Jan 28 16:08

“If You Are Not Wearing At Least Five Masks, You Are A Killing Machine”

Wearing five very tight fitting masks will make it very unlikely that you will spread COVID to anyone else by what comes out of your mouth, and it will also make it very unlikely that the virus will enter your body through that passage. -- Of course your hands are another “danger zone”, and so you will want to be wearing gloves at all times when you are in public too. -- And the rest of your face is a potential danger as well.  So in addition to the five masks covering your mouth you will want to be using a clear plastic face shield at all times as well. -- If you still don’t feel protected after all of that, you may want to consider walking around in a clear plastic bubble that will cover your entire body.

Jan 28 09:44

Biden had a scathing one-word answer to this Fox News reporter asking about his call with Putin

President Joe Biden turned the tables on a Fox News reporter when he was asked a question about his phone call with Russian president Vladimir Putin.

On Biden’s way out after signing executive orders aimed at promoting racial equity, White House correspondent Peter Doocy called out: “Mr. President, what did you talk to Vladimir Putin about?”

In response, Biden quipped: “You."

Ooof.

He then added: "He sends his best.”

Other journalists in the audience laughed as Biden put on his face mask and left.

Jan 27 08:27

When Cancel Culture Cancels Everything

Jan 22 17:37

Friday Humor: Does Chuck Schumer Have Something Else On His Mind Today?

"Senators will have to decide if they believe Donald Trump incited the ERECTION against the United States."

Jan 20 08:54

Social Distancing - by Steve Stewart & Don Stewart

Jan 19 12:58

Awomen to That

We interrupt your celebration of the impeachwoment of President Trump for incitewoment of violence and appeasewoment of gun owners and other domestic terrorists to bring you an important message about language.

We must make awomends for centuries of sexist language. The abolishwoment of hateful, discriminatory, and white supremacist terms like “male” and “men” must be our top priority. This requires adjustwoment and constant improvewoment.

For instance, those of us with front holes do not “menstruate.” We womenstruate.

We will no longer seek to protect the “environment.” Banning fossil fuels and purging Trump supporters defends Mother Earth by protecting the environwoment. We must perwomanently girlcott any business that disagrees.

Jan 19 07:32

Pot at the Canadian border | 22 Minutes

Jan 11 08:10

BREAKING: Trump supporters BANNED from owning pigeons in case they try to communicate with one another.

Jan 10 10:10

What Leftists Think About Freedom of Speech

Jan 09 15:52

Curious George Reminder on Politics – They Own You – They Own Everything

Barring some sort of earth shattering intervention, yep – this one is extra bad because it will bring upon us “the great reset”. In essence, the final submission to global governance as the regime obeys and complies with their world masters. -- So for some reason, the late (and very cynical) comedian George Carlin popped into my head. I recall some of his various statements towards government. I thought I would look it up and copy some of it here. Just because.

Jan 07 08:56

Thought and prayers (Picture)

Jan 07 08:40

Joe Biden dvd special

Jan 05 16:05

Goodbye and good riddance to 2020

Here are 12 things to consider as we close the door on one of the most infamous years of our lifetime...

Dec 31 08:08

Biden's Brave New (Woke) World

Before 2020, the world was a bleak dystopia overrun by Nazis. It never ceased to amaze me how many Nazis I would encounter on a daily basis once I had decided that everyone but me was a Nazi.

Thankfully, 2020 came along and changed everything.

This was the year that intersectional identity politics went mainstream, and there is no going back. The gender-neutral genie is out of the bottle, and xe is fabulous.

There were uprisings against systemic injustice, statues of straight white males were torn down, and Ben and Jerry’s reminded their customers how racist they all were in order to encourage them to buy more of their New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream.

This was all made possible because Covid-19 refused to spread during our mass protests, which just goes to show that even pathogens have gone woke.

The world finally accepted that there are more than 400 genders, and that all of these have been persecuted throughout history. Even the ones we invented last week.

Dec 23 07:51

Monopoly Board Game Updated For Our Times

The new Federal Reserve edition of the popular board game Monopoly has been revised to fit the realities of the modern banking and real estate world. The most radical change is that the money in the game will no longer be issued as a public utility much like President Lincoln’s Greenbacks were. The new Monopoly money will be green just like Federal Reserve Notes. The players will still be issued $1,500 each at the beginning of the game but under the new rules interest will be paid on the money the Banker created out of nothing. The banker will be allowed to collect 10% interest or $150 at the beginning of the game from every player. Additionally, each player will pay $20 in interest to the banker every time they are allowed the privilege of taking a turn and rolling the dice.

Dec 22 19:30

[Video] Got The New Covid Vaccine I Feel Good

:)

Dec 18 06:59

'Do they know it's Covid time at all?' Hilarious spoof of Band Aid's famous Christmas song mocks Boris Johnson and his Cabinet over their handling of pandemic

A music video set to the tune of Band Aid's Christmas number one has mocked Boris Johnson and his Cabinet over their handling of the coronavirus pandemic in Britain.

The satirical video features clips of politicians speaking at recent Downing Street Covid-19 briefings - which have been spliced together to the tune of Do They Know It's Christmas.

The spoof of Band Aid's 1984 Christmas hit, titled 'Do They Know It's Covid Time?', was shared today with the caption: 'With infection rates surging and experts warning of a third wave, this is Boris and the Superspreaders with #DoTheyKnowItsCovidTime'.

Dec 16 21:45

American Medical Association Rescinds Previous Statement Against Prescription of Hydroxychloroquine to COVID-19 Patients

However, on page 18 of a recent AMA memo, issued on October 30, (resolution 509, page 3) the organization officially reversed their stance on HCQ, stating that its potential for good currently may supersede the threat of any potential harmful side effects.

Dec 08 08:48

George Carlin on Elections

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